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SWEDEN That children should be able to go to the cinema, the amusement park and pet animals in the zoo is obvious to most people. In reality, many parents have difficulty making the money last to buy food. Often, single mothers are more exposed to the hardships related to living on a strained budget. By supporting the project “Children to single mothers” at Fryshuset in Stockholm, Childhood is able give single mothers and their children the possibility to participate in fun activities together.
When no help is available and the money barely last to pay for rent and food it is hard to be a happy and energetic mother. “When people ask me about my interests, I don’t know what to answer. I don’t remember”, says Malin, a single mother of two children, five and seven years old. Spa-day at Fryshuset Malin divorced the children’s father a couple of years ago and it turned into a painful custody struggle. Today they have shared custody of the children but the father lives in Umea and only sees the children a few times per year. At the same time as her divorce went through, Malin heard of the project in Fryshuset for mothers and their children. She became a member and since then, she and her children have been there together, enjoying activities and excursions with other mothers and children in similar situations. When we meet at Fryshuset in Stockholm, the theme for the day is “home-spa”. The sports administration is present to teach the 30 mothers that have signed up for the day how to give a relaxing massage, make a facemask of what can be found at home and learn some basic pedicure. A moment of relaxation and time on their own is something none of the mothers experience very often or at all. A few floors down in Fryshuset’s sports hall, the children are playing with twelve qualified babysitters.
Became unemployed Living on a small budget and having to little time for the children is something Malin knows far too well, just like the other mothers that have gathered in Fryshuset this sunny Saturday in September.
“When my ex-husband moved out I was forced to give up my job. My working hours were between 8-17 and that did not work out, having a three and a five year old to look after as well. I was unemployed for more than a year and received financial help from my parents”, Malin says.
Since six months back, Malin has an internship as a coordinator at a large media company in Stockholm. She likes it very much and is hoping to stay when her internship period expires. She seldom makes it on time at 8am so she has a constant worry that her employer is discontented.
“It is probably impossible to understand what it is like to be a single mother before having been in the situation yourself. There is no one there to give you an extra hand when you need it.”
Many are in need of support Fatima Asard who is the project manager for the “Children of single mothers” project, has heard similar stories before. The need for support and extra help in day to day life is extensive among the participants in the specified target group: single mothers with children that have very little or no contact with their fathers, facing financial difficulties or being exposed in other ways. Since the Childhood supported project started in 2007, the membership number has increased to 600 members. “The families come from all over the extended Stockholm area and the mothers are of different ages. Most of them are of Swedish origin. Everyone struggles with their finances, some are so poor they find it difficult to make the money last for food, others can pay for food, rent and bills but nothing more”, says Fatima Asard. Exposed families Often the families that become members have a complex past to deal with. Difficult separations, custody struggles, physical and psychological abuse, assault and other kinds of abused that have affected both mothers and children, which accordingly, makes it important for Fryshuset to receive them correctly. “We strive to give each child attention and place special focus on the very quiet children. It is important to remember that this is not just any group of children that we meet and work with”, says Fatima Asard Each month “Children of single mothers” arrange to meet up with the members at Fryshuset. Activities for the mothers include classes on perspective on health, motivation and spa themed days, like today. At the same time qualified babysitters and volunteers are looking after the children, playing circus, arranging creative workshops, trampoline jumping or something else that’s fun. As often as possible, free excursions to places like Skansen zoo, Grona lunds amusement park, museums and such, are arranged. For the majority of the single mothers and children, excursions like that would have been impossible otherwise. “Last summer we arranged four excursions to Stockholm archipelago in cooperation with the archipelago foundation and Stockholm harbors. Close to 60 mothers and children participated, none of which had been in the archipelago before”, says Fatima Asard.
School holidays are a difficult period To arrange activities during school holidays is very important, she says. It is a time when many single mothers panic; how will they be able to give their children a fun holiday without any money? A couple of summers in a row, “Children of single mothers” project has been able to arrange a summer camp but a smaller budget and a rising number of members made it impossible to do again this year. Instead, a creative workshop at Fryshuset was open to the children four times per week throughout the summer holidays. “Several of the children participating in the summer workshop were complicated to work with because of difficult experiences and suffering in their past. Some of them were very introvert but when they were able to participate in the creative workshop on a consistent basis, they began to open up and flourish.” The person in charge of the creativity workshop was the artist and art therapist, Francisco Gil, who has become an important person for many of the children that come to Fryshuset. Giving the children good and stabile male models is an important part of the project because many of them have a poor communication with their fathers and few men to look up to in their life.
Babysitting gives relief The membership in “Children of single mothers” includes four hours of babysitting per month with a qualified babysitter. The babysitters are educated at Fryshuset and each family receives their own babysitter. With four hours to their own disposal, the mothers can enjoy some free time. The babysitter should be someone the children can look up to and get a moment of joy and inspiration with. Parvin is one of those who qualified as a babysitter. Now she is babysitting for five children in three families on a regular basis. “My” children attend daycare, but in daycare there are so many children requiring the attention from the staff. When I am babysitting I can give the children my undivided attention. I give them love while their mother gets some time for herself”, Parvin says. The playtime at Fryshuset is over for today. Parvin gives one of “her” little boys a hug and waves cheerfully to a mother leaving with her two children in a stroller. Tomorrow she is babysitting for one of her families again; their mother is going to the cinema, says Parvin and smiles.
Upstairs, Malin has washed her facemask off and is preparing to go home. She has no babysitter yet and is reflecting over what she could do if she had four hours per month to her own disposal. It is an unusual thought. “I think I would like to try horse riding”, she says after a moment of consideration. Fathers can also be in need of help Children of single mothers contribute to making a difference for children exposed to hard living conditions, says Anna De Geer, deputy secretary general for Childhood:
“Many forget the fact that there are single mothers in Sweden living under constant economic pressure. Even if they are entitled to certain benefits, it is difficult to make the money last. Children growing up in these families, experiencing a childhood in poverty, are missing out on so much that most Swedes consider being the right of every child; they never go to Skansen zoo or Grona lunds amusement park and they never go on holiday in the summer.” “Many studies show that things that brighten up a child’s reality add to their emotional growth and development. Children of single mothers make sure more children get happy memories from their childhood”, she adds. Just because Fryshusets project focuses on mothers and children it doesn’t mean there is no need for fathers to get support as well, Anna De Geer is emphasizing: “A report from Save the children establish that 250.000 children in Sweden live in poverty. A third of these children live in single parent families. The parent might just as well be a father. The reason for this project to focus on one gender, the mother, is that many of these women have been abused and would feel uncomfortable if the group was mixed with men they did not know.” “That doesn’t mean Childhood excludes the fathers. On the contrary, we consider the ultimate circumstances for a child is to have access to both parents. A number of our projects therefore work actively with the family as an entity. We also support projects focusing on young and single parents, where both mothers and fathers are included”, Anna De Geer concludes. Footnote: Malin wants to be anonymous, we have therefore changed her name.
MAJA SVENONIUS CHILDREN OF SINGLE MOTHERS IN SWEDEN Project: Support and activities for single mothers and their children. Location: Stockholm, Sweden Target group: Single mothers in Stockholm and their children. Cooperation with Childhood: Since 2007 The support goes to: Administrative costs, training for volunteers and baby sitters, and activities for members. Website: www.fryshuset.se/ensammamammor
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